What I took away from 2017

2017! What can we say about the year? For starters, we can all agree that it was a year unlike anything we've witnessed in a long, long time. Then we had the usual breakups, and a number of celebrities left us as it happens every year. But by far the biggest news was Hurricanes Harvey and Maria and the devastation they caused both here and in the Caribbean. We were all touched in one way or another by its effects. We all found out that life can change in the blink of an eye, in this case the eye of a hurricane that roared through the center of Puerto Rico obliterating everything in its path.

On a personal level, I was blessed in many ways. I wrote one book which is on the way to the publisher, and I'm working on two more books, one of which came to me as a result of my last trip to France. I am extremely grateful to God that I got to celebrate another year in the company of my three beautiful girls and I got the gift of a lifetime--a ten-day river cruise up and down the Gargonne in the wine country of Bordeaux. This will definitely go down in my book as the most enjoyable vacation/trip  I have ever received.

Below are some pictures of Cristina's and my trip through Bordeaux.

strolling thru cellars

Snap Krackle 'n Pop!: Who do you think of most often at Christmastime?

Snap Krackle 'n Pop!: Who do you think of most often at Christmastime?: Five years ago today, Elba and I flew to Puerto Rico to help Kimi take care of our sick Mom. I remember landing at San Juan airport, getting...

Who do you think of most often at Christmastime?

Five years ago today, Elba and I flew to Puerto Rico to help Kimi take care of our sick Mom. I remember landing at San Juan airport, getting picked up by our wonderful brother-in-law and heading straight to the hospital where I was to relieve Kimi who'd been keeping watch over Mom for two days. I wholeheartedly embraced the opportunity to spend some much needed quality time with Mom, while giving Kimi a long overdue break.

Bittersweet moment: Just two weeks before Mom's passing. Me, Kimi, Elba and Mom

From there, all went downhill fast. Mom's health deteriorated at a very rapid pace. It was very bittersweet, because while we three sisters would be sharing precious time with Mom on the sunny island, it was to be our last Christmas with her.

Thanksgiving Day with three generations of Santiago's: Elba, Iris and Yuselin

There's no need to explain the heart-wrenching pain of having to bury one's mother, but to witness those last excruciatingly painful moments was beyond words. Five years later I still can't fully enjoy a glass of water without visions of Mom's unfathomable pain, from taking just one sip of the life-saving liquid. They were forever etched in my mind.

Kimi, Mom, Moi, Christian and his wife Karen 2012

Christmas is a time of joy, yet it's hard to be joyful when dealing with impending death. Yes I know that Mami is no longer in pain, but resting in peace. And yes I have God's promise of seeing her again when I leave this life. But hardly a day goes by when I don't think of the fine specimen of a human being she was and the lessons she taught us by example. Lately, however, memories of Mami are of happier times than of the suffering she endured during her last days.

Mami with four of her children, moi, Ruben, Elba and Kimi Ca. 1986

Mami came from humble beginnings. Her parents, the illegitimate son of a Spanish officer, raised by his young single mother then later adopted by his stepfather, and a village girl with a set of loving parents and good family values, both cherished and loved Mami and her siblings alike.

Mami on the right with her sister Tomi and brother Anibal in NYC Ca. 1963

Her father nicknamed her Gandulito she said, because her eyes were the color of the peas her mother shelled. She was blessed to have lived in a household of happy children. While their father worked as administrator of roads, their stay-at-home mother taught the children to be caring, responsible and self-sufficient. Like her siblings Mom took her mother's teachings to heart and always tried to do good by others. As was expected of most children of the old school, she visited and cared for the sick, attended church, and was almost always among the first to show up when help was needed. She always made sure to share with her neighbors--pasteles, arroz con dulce, turkey on Thanksgiving Day, and other foods would be delivered before the family sat down to eat.

Mami and Papi at Freddy (their eldest son) and Hidy's wedding.

I will be forever grateful to God for allowing me those special times with Mom.

Cristina and her Abuelita on her 88th Birthday Celebration.

Mami, on your upcoming anniversary of going home to the Lord, thank you for giving birth to me and for the values you taught me. I may fall short at times, but God knows I strive to follow the example you set for us children and grandchildren. You would have been so proud of how we all rallied around one another when Hurricane Maria hit.

Mami and me Christmas 2010?

Merry Christmas and Happy Fifth Anniversary in heaven!

Christmas is here!

Christmas is a time to reflect on the positives....

Christmas is here and in spite of all the fuzzy feelings we experience at this wonderful time of Jesus's birth, there's still a certain amount of frustration that comes with it. We just have to learn to get past the negativity and focus on all the positives. Here are some pictures that make me happy: Crissy in Jerusalem, Ash and me in Paris, and the four of us in Galway, Ireland.

Snap Krackle 'n Pop!: Reflections of an Aging Woman: Pain and Beauty in ...

Snap Krackle 'n Pop!: Reflections of an Aging Woman: Pain and Beauty in ...: Reflections of an Aging Woman: Pain and Beauty in a Crazy yet Precious World The unfiled tips of my finger nails want to snag one of my...

Reflections of an Aging Woman: Pain...

Reflections of an Aging Woman: Pain and Beauty in a Crazy yet Precious World

The unfiled tips of my finger nails want to snag one of my favorite tops. I wore it to Mass this morning and have been too tired to get out of it. I managed the bra but have not changed into my night shirt. It's one of those nights the Northeast is famous for around this time of the year. I decide it's too damp and drafty inside our late 40's Reese Colonial to go looking for tops buried who-knows-where. I manage to get into bed and reach for my book (Fred Vargas might just be the #1 thriller writer around). After a while I put the book down, switch off the night light and snuggle under my down comforter. 

My wispy unruly locks cover my face: nose, ears, eyes. My head ached so much, I skipped picking it up tonight. My stomach starts churning—even after a previous trip to the john, mild gastric pains follow me to bed. For the life of me, I can't find any level of comfort. I've endured three days of flu-like symptoms. Is it the real McCoy or just some other nasty bug? It's a conundrum that eludes me. Suddenly my heart starts fluttering and it's not over a handsome man. Stress must have raised my blood pressure level to new heights. I get out from under the warm comforter and reach for the valsartan. I bite into one of the pills, swallow half and throw the other half back in the small plastic bottle. I'm ecstatic. Yesss!!! I can look forward to at least fifteen trips to the bathroom tonight! Being facetious here.

Should I bow graciously and accept the inevitable old age creeping up on me, or is this merely a case of incidents—a series of unfortunate events?!

But hello, why am I complaining? My day was splendid. I rose earlier than usual, jumped in the shower, attended Mass then drove in search of take-out breakfast. I haven't had much of an appetite lately and I'm craving junk food. I settled on MacD's because it's the fastest. But after I drive to the establishment, someone's pulling out of the parking lot and signaling me that they're not opened for business yet. I wave back at the young girl in a gesture of thanks. I make a u-turn in the direction of Route 4. A glimmer of hope fills me as I cross Kinderkamack. As I pass the corner building, I note the address: 111 in big white numbers against a red brick background. I remember Mom fondly and her quirky obsession with the "three sticks" as she used to call them. Three sticks marking the highway to her son's in Utuado, PR, or to our house in Long Island. I am heartened at the sight of the 'three sticks' and take it as a good sign. Mom's looking out for me. Hope's on the horizon!

But, wait! There's more! There's something greater in store for me. With breakfast safely stowed on the passenger seat, I head back home. As I make the turn from Forest into Howland, I take note. The driver up ahead in the opposite lane signals me to stop. A family of deer has appeared out of backyards on my side of the road, to cross into Van Saun Park. I count 4, 5, 6, 7. I wait, just as the other driver does. A line of cars has formed behind us both, waiting for our cue to move. 

Two more fawns appear nervous and lost. They wait then cautiously cross the road after the others. I still wait. Suddenly a yet smaller fawn appears—the runt or youngest has been left behind. After some trepidation, wobbling, he takes a leap of faith and also crosses over into the park's wooded area in search of the others who have abandoned him. 

Emotion overcomes me and a small tear trickles down my cheek. Why am I suddenly crying? Are these  tears of joy? Then I realize yes, I am joyful, and hopeful. God has gifted me in a special way this morning, precisely at a time when I needed it most. He knows what I'm going through and allows me to take time out from my hurried life to take in His handiwork, nature in all its beauty and splendor, even on this busy road. 

As I counted the ten beautiful creatures I was reminded of my own blessings, and more importantly that God knows my struggles and my pain, and that He will never abandon me.

His timing is always perfect.

The pain of everyday life

To say i'm emotionally drained and overspent is putting it mildly --I am utterly devastated. That a mother and her young ones should be taken from their home and put down. I will never see my fireplace and our comfy den in the same light. Heck, I may never be able to use that room or the house, for that matter. Again!

I'm in the process of selling our vacation home and discovered  our chimney was home to a family of raccoons. "What are you going to do with them?"

 "We have to put them down. That's what animal protective services does."

"Are you serious?"

"No, that's what they do!"  

I had heard enough. Their cries and their chattering were all I heard (and gotten used to for the last three days. ). All over the place--but today there was nowhere in the house I could go and not hear the pups and the mom carry on. I was devastated. I tried hiding in my bedroom listening  to music, I tried getting on my computer. Hiding in the farthest  bathroom. Nothing worked. I couldn't do it. I had to leave the house while they were being taken out.

The torrential rain sheeted, bucketed, you name it. I sought refuge in my car. There was nowhere I could run to. I ran out under the rain to seek solace outside the house, but because it poured so hard I could only sit in my car. I was relieved finally. And then I turn and see them stacked inside the cage. My heart was ripped out.

Why does life have to be so cruel? What or who determines what animals live and which don't?  

I see my Maltese whom I love with all my being, comfortably snuggled in my bed after taking her bath and I ponder about life. Why?

The salad will kick your arse!

I've always loved Cheesecake Factory and everything they whip up, but my favorite by far the antioxidant salad. This salad is truly underrated. 

I set out to mimic their salad but I must admit that since I didn't have all the ingredients on hand I substituted for what I had. The finished product: WOW!  Truly unbeatable. This salad will kick your arse!

Antioxidant salad

1 bag Greens: romaine, spinach, kale

Broccoli flowerets

1 medium apple

1 large mandarin orange

1/4 cup mix of dried fruit and nuts

I can of diced beets

Dressing

White wine vinegar dressing

2 packets duck sauce 

Extra virgin olive oil

Salt and red pepper flakes

Mix all first ingredients then mix all dressing ingredients and pour over salad. Mix well and serve with your favorite crusty bread. 

Don't forget to pair with your favorite wine. 

Taking the fear out of homemade pizza

Homemade pizza is easiest when you buy fresh store dough found in the frozen foods aisle. 

We start by thawing the dough to average temperature.  Using floured hands stretch the dough to either round shape or rectangular depending on your pan. Prep your pan beforehand with a film of olive oil topped with a light sprinklings of breadcrumb to cover the pan. 

Ingredients

Fresh Pizza dough

Extra virgin olive oil

Breadcrumbs 

Toppings: 

Any or all shredded Italian cheeses

Your favorite store or homemade sauce

Roasted, grilled or pan fried seasoned Vegetables: zucchini, red, green, yellow peppers, mushrooms, onions- put aside and let cool for a little bit.

Preheat oven to a 450 degree temp. 

Roll out dough using flour surface and hands then place on oiled pan with breadcrumbs.  

Add 1 teaspoon olive oil then spread the sauce. Add the cheese, then the assorted veggies.  You may want to spray the veggies to keep them from burning the tops with a bit of cooking spray oil.

Bake in the middle rack of the oven for 20 minutes.  

Your pizza should be bubbling hot, extra crispy and the vegetables should be to perfection. 

Enjoy with a glass of robust red wine such as Shiraz or merlot. 

that time of the year....

For cool dishes and delicious salads. 

I love me a good hummus. This is the easiest recipe for hummus I've found. It takes a can of chickpeas or chickpea flour. We used chickpea flour. 

Recipe for easy Hummus

Ingredients 

1 cup of chick peas (or chick pea flour-

Enough water to make a paste to your liking. About 1 1/2 - 2 cups of water)

Salt and red pepper flakes

Juice of one lemon

1 1/2 tablespoon extra virgin olive oil, garlic, cumin, and ¼ teaspoon of salt to a food processor. 

Process until smooth and creamy. If needed, add additional water to thin out the hummus and ¼ teaspoon

of salt to your taste. 

It's easier to use canned chickpeas since they're already cook. If you use chickpea flour you must cook it first by adding enough water and salt. Cook over medium heat and stir to avoid lumps.  Cooked for about 10-15 minutes.  Transferred to a bowl and put in the fridge to cool off. 

When it's cooled completely mix all ingredients together either by hand or in a food processor. 

If you have tahini sauce on hand add a tablespoon to the mix. You can also add sesame seeds to the mixture for crunchiness. Either way you will love it. 

Serve with tortilla or pita crisps or with your favorite crackers. 

Enjoy.