Who do you think of most often at Christmastime?

Five years ago today, Elba and I flew to Puerto Rico to help Kimi take care of our sick Mom. I remember landing at San Juan airport, getting picked up by our wonderful brother-in-law and heading straight to the hospital where I was to relieve Kimi who'd been keeping watch over Mom for two days. I wholeheartedly embraced the opportunity to spend some much needed quality time with Mom, while giving Kimi a long overdue break.

Bittersweet moment: Just two weeks before Mom's passing. Me, Kimi, Elba and Mom

From there, all went downhill fast. Mom's health deteriorated at a very rapid pace. It was very bittersweet, because while we three sisters would be sharing precious time with Mom on the sunny island, it was to be our last Christmas with her.

Thanksgiving Day with three generations of Santiago's: Elba, Iris and Yuselin

There's no need to explain the heart-wrenching pain of having to bury one's mother, but to witness those last excruciatingly painful moments was beyond words. Five years later I still can't fully enjoy a glass of water without visions of Mom's unfathomable pain, from taking just one sip of the life-saving liquid. They were forever etched in my mind.

Kimi, Mom, Moi, Christian and his wife Karen 2012

Christmas is a time of joy, yet it's hard to be joyful when dealing with impending death. Yes I know that Mami is no longer in pain, but resting in peace. And yes I have God's promise of seeing her again when I leave this life. But hardly a day goes by when I don't think of the fine specimen of a human being she was and the lessons she taught us by example. Lately, however, memories of Mami are of happier times than of the suffering she endured during her last days.

Mami with four of her children, moi, Ruben, Elba and Kimi Ca. 1986

Mami came from humble beginnings. Her parents, the illegitimate son of a Spanish officer, raised by his young single mother then later adopted by his stepfather, and a village girl with a set of loving parents and good family values, both cherished and loved Mami and her siblings alike.

Mami on the right with her sister Tomi and brother Anibal in NYC Ca. 1963

Her father nicknamed her Gandulito she said, because her eyes were the color of the peas her mother shelled. She was blessed to have lived in a household of happy children. While their father worked as administrator of roads, their stay-at-home mother taught the children to be caring, responsible and self-sufficient. Like her siblings Mom took her mother's teachings to heart and always tried to do good by others. As was expected of most children of the old school, she visited and cared for the sick, attended church, and was almost always among the first to show up when help was needed. She always made sure to share with her neighbors--pasteles, arroz con dulce, turkey on Thanksgiving Day, and other foods would be delivered before the family sat down to eat.

Mami and Papi at Freddy (their eldest son) and Hidy's wedding.

I will be forever grateful to God for allowing me those special times with Mom.

Cristina and her Abuelita on her 88th Birthday Celebration.

Mami, on your upcoming anniversary of going home to the Lord, thank you for giving birth to me and for the values you taught me. I may fall short at times, but God knows I strive to follow the example you set for us children and grandchildren. You would have been so proud of how we all rallied around one another when Hurricane Maria hit.

Mami and me Christmas 2010?

Merry Christmas and Happy Fifth Anniversary in heaven!