Do you ever feel like you're on the verge of losing it, seconds away from throwing it all in?
Now more than ever the world seems a scary place to live in. Yet for people who have suffered traumatic brain injury (TBI) or concussions, it may seem much worse. In addition, They may experience any number of odd symptoms. Sometimes, however, they may not realize that these symptoms may be the result of a TBI, simply because not all injuries will appear in certain tests or brain scans.
Most concussives (ones who've suffered concussions) have the inability to plan ahead. Because I am a concussion sufferer, I can only make plans within a week at most. And sometimes, not even then. I do most things on the spur of the moment. The saying, "living in the moment" is very true in my life.
Concussives have very little or no visual/spatial concept. I can drive down the same road a couple of times in my lifetime, yet one day the familiarity of the road will be lost on me and I will see the road in a totally different way as if I were approaching it from a different angle or for the first time.
Concussives have continuous repetitive thoughts. These can be a one word, a phrase, or whole sentences. They may have repetitive dreams--a same dream may show up various times at any given time with any length of time in between. It may be within hours, weeks, months or even years. I suffer from both of these conditions. I also dream in color, though not as much as when I was younger. I have had dreams of flying high above utopian countrysides and deep green/oceans, also in vivid beautiful colors. More research has to be done on repetition of thought, to determine if it is concussion-related, although I'm not complaining about the part of dreaming in color.
While on the subject of dreams, concussives have more nightmares than regular people. The nightmares will be harder to wake from, harder to forget; and they may recur if you fall asleep again. I suffer from this as well.
Concussives have periods where they feel like they are levitating--sort of like experiencing periods of enlightenment. I have experienced such episodes on several occasions. There have been times where I have felt deep out-of-body experiences, especially as a child and later as a young girl. At times, I would be swinging so high on a swing, so as to almost touch the sky; or my hand would be so big, as to wrap itself around the earth. As Clark Elliot says in his book, The Ghost in my Brain, these out-body-episodes may be mystical gifts to a young brain; or they could be the result of a small perturbation in the brain's posterior parietal cortex. As Elliot goes on to explain, it may be some oddity in the brain, which allows me to recall and note all the above, even while suffering from the effects of a concussion.
A concussive may lose cognitive and analogical abilities--they may have deep, deep thoughts, such as to question, "how is it that my husband is married to me? How is it that my children are mine?" Many things that are second nature or normal to most people, may be questioned by the concussive--not in a logical way as normal people would question, but in an irrational way of thinking.
As a concussive gets older and enters into their senior years, life becomes a hundred times harder.
To shed some light on my problem, I will go as far back as I can remember. I was four-years-old and living with my mother and siblings in a barrio of Cabo Rojo, Puerto Rico. Our father had left to the States to start the transition of moving our family there. My earliest recollection is falling off a donkey and losing my two front teeth. Obviously, I was too young to recall if I suffered a concussion. It's quite possible it was so traumatic that my brain blocked it out. For years, I only remember the joy of that ride. Yet the shock and impact of falling off the donkey and hitting the compacted dirt road are not as clear. My mother, may she rest in peace, filled in the blanks for me. However, she never mentioned taking me to a doctor to follow up. Which begs the question, how many of us have suffered concussions as children and have gone through life totally unaware of the repercussions of such an accident?
Later in life I would have experienced other TBI's, such as a near strangulation as a young adult at the hands of a jealous boyfriend; and years later, in an almost fatal car accident. Other life-altering events such as a divorce, the lost of my beloved husband, and later the loss of my mother, may have added to an already damaged brain.
The more obvious result of all the above trauma is a deep muscle and nerve pain that is known as fibromyalgia. We can add sleep apnea, anxiety, and a host of other ailments to the list. I have been living with these for the last 14 years. But after suddenly losing Mom three years ago, the symptoms have started to really manifest themselves in many other ways.
Below is a list of symptoms most of which I can identify with. The one I don't see listed, one of my biggest, the need to sleep constantly.
Cognitive Symptoms:
- Decreased concentration, reduced attention span
- Difficulties with executive functioning (goal setting, self monitoring, initiating,
modifying, and/or bringing to completion)
- Short-term and/or long-term memory loss
- Decreased ability to solve problems and think abstractly
- Difficulty thinking straight
- Difficulty displaying appropriate emotional/communication responses
(laugh during serious conversation, shout when everyone whispers)
- Difficulty in learning new information
- Difficulty making plans, setting goals, and organizing tasks
- May appear disorganized and impulsive
- Difficulty spelling, writing, and reading
- Difficulty finding the right words and constructing sentences
- Difficulty understanding written or spoken communication
- Difficulty interpreting verbal and non-verbal language
- Decreased functioning of speech muscles (lips, tongue)
- Difficulty feeling initiative, sustaining motivation
- Depression
- Memory distortions
Behavioral Symptoms:
- Changes in behavior, personality or temperament
- Increased aggression and/or anxiety
- Decreased or increased inhibitions
- Quickly agitated or saddened
- Changes in emotional expression (flat, non-emotional, inappropriate or overreactions)
- Avoidance of people, family, friends
- Difficulty sleeping
- Increased irritability or impatience
Physical Symptoms:
- Hearing loss
- Headaches, neck pain
- Nausea and vomiting
- Changes in vision (blurred, sensitive, seeing double, blindness)
- Ringing or buzzing in ears
- Dizziness, difficulty balancing
- Decrease in, or loss of, smell or taste
- Decreased coordination in limbs
- Loss of bowel or bladder control
- Increased sensitivity to noise or bright lights
- Seizures
- Weaknes and numbness
Reprinted with permission of the Empire Justice Center, Building Bridges: A Cross-Systems Training Manual for Domestic Violence Programs and Disability Service Providers in New York, 2006
I am happy to report that this last year I have found ways to not just survive but thrive with the help of Dr. John Hartman and his chiropractic team at Third Space Medical in Ridgewood, NJ, through physical therapy, and changes in my diet. From reading Elliot's, The Ghost in my Brain, I am learning so much more about concussions and their long-term effects and how you can get help. I strongly suggest this book. If you or someone you know has had a concussion or traumatic brain injury there is help out there.
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