As I'm sure most of you know, All Saints' Day is always celebrated on the 1st of November, followed by All Souls' Day. And, as I posted in my last post, this is a very holy day for Catholics. Unfortunately, yesterday I was so preoccupied with an article on aging that I've been working on, that it totally escaped my mind and consequently I didn't make it to Mass.
After working on my article all day and downloading some pictures I had taken for it, I proceeded to check the pictures for errors. I was taken aback when I saw several orbs of different sizes in many of the pictures, either directly on my person or surrounding me.
Depending on who one talks to, these orbs can mean spirits that are within close proximity; or just plain orbs resulting from different reflections of light. To be honest, I was not so much perplexed with my findings, as I was joy-filled; and later, over dinner I mentioned it to my girls. Jules, who's good at trying to make people feel good, suggested that the orbs might be my late Victor's spirit watching over me. Which is exactly what I would like to believe! However, because of my Protestant upbringing, I have a hard time embracing orbs, spirits and the like. Read my book, The Women in White, and you'll see why. The thought that any spirit, good or bad, aside from the Holy Spirit, might be in my midst, is hard for me to wrap my brain around.
Very early this morning, I awoke from quite possibly one of the most beautiful and surreal dreams I have ever experienced. It was so vivid, so surreal, so palpable, that at that precise moment I could swear it was real.
It was evening and I had gone for a walk to enjoy the brisk fresh air. I paused, looked around, and looked up at the beautiful night sky. There, up in the air but close enough that I could almost reach out and touch it, a straight path lead from one side of the spectrum to the other. I was not so much taken aback by this revelation, as I was by the next. As clear as day, a handsome man dressed in a suit and tie, appeared to be walking along on the skyward path. And when I looked closely, lo and behold, the man was my own beloved Victor. Mesmerized, in shock and in denial, I asked myself over and over again, "How could this be, Victor is dead!"
When our eyes met, he motioned for me to stay, that he was stepping down to meet me. As I stood in shock, paralized, and completely stopped in my tracks, I witnessed how he effortlessly came down off the path and started walking toward me. "Yet, he's as alive as I am!" I convinced myself, as he came closer to me, sporting the signature dimpled smile on his always handsome face.
And then we were holding each other, and a loving warmth unlike anything in real life overtook me. And as we kissed, I stopped trying to figure it out and surrendered to the moment in time, convinced that my love had never died. As we held each other in this seemingly eternal embrace, all sense of place, time, event, eluded me. I could only feel the warmth of our love and an inner all-around peace, and meant to be with this man who was so alive and well. This man who had never died! And when we composed ourselves, never letting go of me, he whispered, "Let me walk you back home." And I could only nod yes. Then together we walked back home, embracing and enraptured in the warmth and the light of our love.
Once back home and still in each other's arms, the loving warm feeling never leaving me, he gently whispered something else in my ear that which I cannot remember. And this was the saddest part - Vic started to fade away - not pull away, just slowly fade away. And with him, the warmth I had felt, also started to leave me. Yet somehow I was okay, because in my heart I knew that this was how it had to be.
I've never believed or disbelieved. Is it mere coincidence, or is it God-incidence that my unique gift in the form of a dream was made possible on All Souls' Day, of all days? There are so many questions and so little answers.
Once again, I am in awe and so grateful to God for gifting me in such a beautiful way, for in eleven years that Victor has been gone, I never had such a precious and surreal dream. Yes, I dream with Vic from time to time! And yes, he is always happy, healthy, and carefree. But this was by far, the most heartfelt and generous of all my Victor dreams! And all, on the Eve of All Souls' Day.
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